Lessons Learned

So last week was my 10 year high school reunion. I was a little disappointed that more people didn't show up but, I was happy to spend time with the people that came. Everyone looked the same...for real. I had two major epiphanies after the reunion though.

1. We should apologize and forgive as often as necessary. 

At my reunion I saw an old friend that I used to be really close with. He told me that he felt really hurt when I didn't invite him to my wedding. People often say this happens but I had never had anyone say it to me. To be honest, I didn't think he would have wanted to come and I had no idea me not inviting him actually hurt him in anyway. Thanks to Facebook, over the years I have seen all that he has accomplished and have genuinely been happy for him. I am excited to see him be an amazing dad and excel in his career.  With that being said, I promptly apologized for and asked for forgiveness for the typical teenage pettiness that caused us to not speak after being really good friends for so long. We both agreed that it was not worth it now.

This precious moment showed me how important it is to apologize and forgive. Sometimes we unknowingly offend people we love and care about and never get the chance to fix it. But I think that whenever we know we have done someone wrong should try to smooth out the situation no matter how small it may seem to us. It may not be easy when we really screw up but it will be worth it.

That being said, we may not get apologies we feel we deserve but as long as we take care of our end, God will take care of the rest. This scripture in my devotional today really helped to bring this lesson home for me: By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another John 13:35. What better way to show love than humbling yourself and asking for forgiveness and forgiving others even those that we feel don't deserve it? They may really need it the most.

2. I may be slightly obsessive about losing weight and calorie counting. 

Once I stopped nursing my son, I went into high gear to lose the baby weight and then some. Having lost 50+ pounds though, I am often not satisfied. In some ways, I think that is good because everyone should strive to be as healthy as you possibly can. But in some ways I feel like I am always thinking about food and calories. I mean when you don't want to share your perfectly measured food with your son for fear of losing out on precious calories...it's a problem lol. A friend recently asked me who am I comparing myself to (along with giving me a host of other reasons why I should not be obsessing about losing weight). I wouldn't say I compare myself to others per se, that is definitely never a healthy habit, but I do always feel a extra chunking when I am with my non-curvy/thick friends.

Take my reunion for example, when I left I felt fierce. I managed to throw on a little makeup (I have a love/hate relationship with makeup so this is a big deal) and I had a super cute dress. I even managed to wear some comfy heals (I HATE heels).

But after a few photos I felt like the odd ball chunky girl even though everyone said I looked great and I felt great. What in the world is wrong with me? I am grateful for the healthy body that God has given me and I want to keep it healthy but can I do that in a way that doesn't feel like an obsession or a burden?

Yesterday I tried eating without logging everything into myfitnesspal in advance or immediately after I ate. I definitely felt freer and less constrained throughout the day. At the end of the day, I logged everything in and I was only slightly over 2,000 calories. I thought this was excellent considering I had Starbucks and it was pizza night with my family (I wish y'all could've seen how my son devoured his slice of pizza). Anyhow, according to my weight loss goals in myfitnesspal, I was over my calorie goal a decent amount but I was still on track to lose weight. WebMd says an active person my age should eat between 2,000-2,400 calories, so I did pretty good after all.

Even as I right this, all of this seems ridiculous. Everyone has an opinion about what you should weigh and what you should eat. I am going to try to be a little less consumed and see what happens when I let go a little. I am still going to commit to being active and eating more healthy options, especially snacks and see where it takes me. I know God is ultimately in control over all of this so why add unnecessary stress?

This is a cute little magnet we saw in Cali.  So funny!

So with those lessened learned, I prayerfully attempt to do better with building and developing relationships with my friends and family especially when it comes to forgiving and asking for forgiveness. I am also going to stop focusing so much on my weight and what I eat so the next time my son offers me one of his snacks I won't have to say no because I am trying to perfectly calculate everything that goes into my mouth. I have learned enough healthy habits to sustain me.

Jesus take the wheel.

Pray for me y'all!