Hug Your Babies

I started this draft a while ago after witnessing a student having a seizure in my class. But after watching Fruitvale Station this weekend, I am compelled to finish it and take it in a new direction. Our children are so precious for so many reasons. This movie only further confirms for me that parenting is one of the toughest jobs in the world.

First, my stomach ached the entire time I watched Fruitvale Station. I knew what was coming but I didn't know when. The fact that this was some one's son and father (not to mention he was murdered in my home state of California) was unsettling. I remembered this story from when it really happened but just reliving it from the beginning to the end was almost unbearable; especially knowing that the man that was responsible for Oscar Grant's death served only 11 months in jail.

All I can keep thinking about is that I have a son and something like that could happen to him. What am I suppose to do lock him up in a bubble to protect him? Oscar's mom thought she was keeping her child safe by encouraging him to not drink and drive and look what happened--he took the train and was murdered by a police officer who beat and shot him (while Oscar was handcuffed by the way) but then claimed he mistook his gun for a taser. What can we, mothers of black boys, do?  Feeding our son's organic foods, reading to them every night, and enrolling them in the right schools can only take them so far. What happens when they go off on their own and encounter the big bad wolf?

My heart aches for Oscar's mother and all the mother's of black boys who have to teach them carefully because so many people don't view their life as having value. Oscar is only one of the countless examples of young black men who have died at the hands of police officers and senseless acts violence only to have their perpetrators walk away free.

The funny thing is kids are so oblivious to the racial hate that exists in this country.  I see this in all the different kids groups my son is in. Even in the movie, you can see Oscar having many lighthearted interactions with people of the opposite race. Everyone was just trying to celebrate New Year's. So when/where does the breakdown occur? Are other parents teaching this hate inside their homes? Do kids grow up mimicking what they have seen play out in the media so many times? Will racially charged behaviors go away as more and more generations pass? To be honest, I remember in about kindergarten or first grade when I realized that being black really in fact made me different. I guess it wasn't cool to talk about TV shows like A Different World or the Cosby Show with a kid who wasn't black. Her mama was not pleased.

This is what scares me about parenting.

At times, education is everything but you can't wear a degree on your forehead. Heck, I have definitely gotten the side-eye when I have mistakenly left my wedding ring at home and I am running around with my son. Police officers have been extra rude the few times I have encountered them. An older woman even told me to slow down once as I struggled to get my nephew and son in my car--they are very close in age. *insert shocked face* If this can happen to me as a Master's Degree--Career Having black woman, who knows what this world will serve up to my son.

*Takes a deep breath*

In the midst of all of these thoughts and frustrations, I ultimately am calmed because I know that my son is in God's hands.  Not all people will like him. People may even do and say mean things to him; but God's will for his life will be done. I will keep him in church and immerse him in the word so he will know who matters and that he matters irregardless of what others say. I will teach him to love and not hate. I will cover him in prayer each day because some of the cruelties that this world will serve him he will have to endure and learn from them.

Hug your babies, husbands, boo's,  mama's, aunties--hug everybody because tomorrow is not promised.

My kingdom does not belong to this world. -John 18:36

Everything Ain't Easy

Making grown up decisions isn't really that hard---unless they involve other people (at least for me). It is even harder when you have to break some not-so good news to someone when there was no wrong doing on their part (and when you are just naturally an easy breezy girl like myself who wants everyone to be happy).

A few weeks ago, I had to break up with my sons daycare provider of almost two years. I knew it was coming. I had started looking a while ago and when me and the hubs actually had time to visit some, we knew instantly when we had found a winner. The problem is that our son has developed so much under his current daycare provider so telling her that "her baby" wouldn't be coming back after this month was hard. The thing is, even though there were things I liked about the daycare, it just wasn't a hell yes anymore so I knew it was time to move. That didn't make me feel better about having to have that conversation with the daycare though. Sure I feel good knowing that I have always treated them with respect and showed my appreciation when I could but it was still like -50 on the list of things I wanted to do.

The build up to the conversation though made me uneasy. The hubs broke it off with the last daycare so  this time it was my turn. However, I didn't want to head into the weekend with the anticipation weighing me down so I just went for it.

*sigh*

Why do uncomfortable conversations have to be so tough? My issue is that I don't want to hurt any ones feelings. The reality is though, his daycare provider took it like a true professional. She didn't even flinch. She loves my boo but it is the nature of her business. I was probably more worried than I had to be. I felt relived afterward but still a little sad. At the same time though, the reality is that I am excited for my sons new adventures at his new school. It is just the logical next step for his progression.

I have a few other difficult conversations on the horizon (I think I may have a friend/enemy lurking y'all). So I wonder does it get any easier?? Maybe with age and more practice?

Who knows.

If there is one thing I have learned about motherhood though, is it will give you just a little more nerve to do what you have to do when you need to. It may be uncomfortable but if it is for my son, I will grit my teeth and get it done. I just need that to translate into other areas.

Oh well...big girl panties are on in 2014. I'll take a little uncomfort in the name of me and my families progress, sanity, and over all well being.

How do you handle difficult conversations? I'd love to hear your tips.

Back to the Grind

Weight loss is like a curse word to me at times but in line with a renewed focus on goals for the new year, I have decided to breathe new life into my weight loss/fitness goals. I was so inspired by my friends weight loss journey that I am ready. I have decided to embark on 95 days of eating 1,500 calories. YIKES!!! I am already hungry as I type this lol. Why 95 days you ask? I was going to go with 90 but I want to be realistic. I have a date night, my birthday, some ladies nights lined up in that time frame so instead of setting myself up for failure, I built in a few extra days so I don't have to beat myself up for the days I might not make the cut.

My overall goal this year is to lose 10% of my body weight. I can't wait to see how much of that I can knock out by April 11th (just before Easter...look at God!!).
Like I have said before, I am not into resolutions but I do have goals. I am sharing this one with you all so you can hold me accountable. Proverbs 15:22 says "plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed". Hopefully we can advise each other and completely smash our weight loss/fitness goals this year.

I will be writing about this journey at least once a week. I will also be trying some new healthy recipes and sharing those as well (if they are good).

Do you all have any weight loss/fitness goals this year?

I'd love to hear.

 

Here are some things I am starting with:

 

Get back to seriously using the MyFitnessPal App: I will track my 1,500 calories each day there. Add me bdxn637 if you want!

 

Start using my UP band again: I ordered a replacement over the weekend. It is great for tracking steps and sleep. 10,000 steps a day is my goal.

 

Use the waterlogged app: I will be logging 106oz of water a day!

 

Zumba/Walking: When I can. Hopefully 2-3 times a week.

 

Challenges from Pinterest: I don't have a ton of extra time as a working-grad school going mom so I always love these challenges that I can do at home at anytime. These are the two I am starting with.

 

The Sweetest Place on Earth

I've been wanting to go to Hershey, PA forever. This year I finally made it happen and I was not let down (except for the fact that only 2 hours before my trip, someone--most likely one of my student stole cash from my walled but we'll talk about that later though). There were so many yummy things to eat and relatively affordable things to do; we definitely got our monies worth and the people were awesome. I almost didn't want to leave.

My own little chocolate drop had the time of his life trying all the chocolate treats, hanging with Santa, and we got to spend some time with my big brother too (lots of Jay's in one room). I highly recommend this place to any and everyone, especially if you have a little one. I bet every holiday season brings a new adventure in chocolate world. I will definitely try to take it all in during this lifetime.

I plan to go back but next year, Philly here we come! (Maybe we can do both...hehe)

 

Calling All Mamas

 

Have y'all ever watched any of the kids president videos? I watched him interview Beyonce and he was super adorable. I have to find out how he got started in this. Anyhow, here is his Ten Things Moms Need To Know video. Even if you are not a mom, this is HILLARIOUS. Check it out (#5 and #9 are my favorites):

And on a more serious note, just in case you thought you were doing a terrible job as a mom, this video is for you:

 

 

Be Cared For

As a woman who likes to do it all, it is very hard to take a pause and let someone else do the work (or to even let someone be genuinely nice to you for that matter). I started getting sick earlier this week but kept pressing on. There were meetings to be had, papers to present, etc, etc, etc. But yesterday, two people blessed me through their random acts of kindness and I realized that sometimes you just have to let people do nice things for you. There is nothing wrong with being cared for with no strings attached.

I know that I can't do it all but it is hard for me to let people care for me most of the time. I am learning though that you can let people in, even if only for a few minutes, and blessings can come in through them.You just never know how giving someone a few minutes of your time or just making a small nice gesture will change your day or theirs. For example, last week my work BFF left me some chocolates and a note. Those things came in handy this week for sure! Then I had a conversation with a student a while ago about this book series by Veronica Roth when I noticed him reading it in class--very brief convo; so brief in fact I had forgot about it.  But yesterday this sweet boy brought me his copy since he was done with it so I could read it. Even though I told him I wouldn't have time to read it until winter break and tried to give it back to him, he simply said take as long as you need; you'll love it. What a blessing to end a hectic week.

It doesn't have to be much but let people in when you can and do the same for others too. As I sip a glass of wine tonight and read travel and leisure magazine for the first time, I know I will be blessed and I am grateful for those who care for me even in the smallest of ways. I have been pinning a lot of small gift ideas that I plan to use on Pinterest. Get some idea here. I hope I can care for a few people, just like the cared for me.

Don't block out love. It is really everywhere and we are worthy.

Be loved and lifted my friends. Have a great weekend!

Survive

To round off my week of sharing good articles I have read found, here is one about taking care our ourselves. I do NOT do this as much as I would like to but I think that self-care is at the top of my list for 2014. Tammy Plunkett's article Redefining Self-Care has some really good points.

She starts off by saying:

I also think it's a safe bet that most of you are overworked, have too many responsibilities on your shoulders, and care deeply for the people in your life, going so far as putting their needs before your own. Come on, let's be honest, I do it, too. And at the end of the day after you have taken care of everyone else's needs you are too exhausted to think of all the things the experts say you "should" be doing for yourself.

This is what I hear from the women I work with -- all the time. And then when I challenge them with a self-care assignment, their first instinct is to indulge in a pedicure or a new scented body lotion from the high-end cosmetic counter at the mall. It's a start, but is that real self-care?

I look at real self-care as a holistic practice that affects the body's wellness and the mind's serenity and the spirit's sense of greater purpose. I'm sorry, scented body lotion doesn't cut it in my books.

Well a mani/pedi isn't good enough?? And lavendar isn't enough either?? Yikes! Here some other highlights from the article:

Mind: Start your day with love. When you wake up, and certainly before you start making your mental to-do list, ground yourself in love. Remind yourself of your worthiness before you even get out of bed.

Body: Make taking care of your body a fun endeavor.

Entourage (this was my favorite): Honor and respect your true self. Don't get involved with people or projects that bring you down or suck your life's passion from you. Don't allow toxic people in your life. Learn to say no. You can be compassionate and respectful to others, but be discerning about whom you allow into your innermost life. Be real. Speak up and speak out.

Spirit: Seek out a connection to your spirit. We need a life of purpose: and that is something found only in our spirit. Whether you practice a religion or not, spend some time in spiritual investigation and find your connection.

You can read the full article here.

I currently would say I am strong in the entourage and spirit peace--well still not as consistent as I would like to be in this area but I am getting there. I definitely need to work on mind and body though.

What do you all think? What self-care techniques do you use?

Blank Check

Have you ever given yourself a blank check to do whatever you want? I mean given yourself time to spend several hours getting pampered is a spa, or an unrestricted amount of time to read, watch TV, surf Pinterest, etc. I was kind of forced into this situation Saturday morning. My mother in-law goes to this salon where you can get pretty much everything you need done all in one place. The ladies are efficient too. You can be under the hair dryer and be getting a manicure too. Does a place like this exist in Jersey? I need to find it.

Anyhow, Saturday morning was essentially my blank check to get pampered, catch up on blogs I had been wanting to read and to just relax. No to-do list to tackle, no meals to prep, nothing but what I wanted to do. Several hours our pampering and relaxation from head to toe…time well spent indeed. 

I realize however, that I was "forced" into this moment though. When the beautician said "when's the last time you had a deep conditioner/hit oil treatment?" I almost laughed; lady don't you know get in and out is my motto so I don't have time for that. It did make me think though why does this have to be the case? My excuse is the same ol' I have so much to do/my baby needs me excuse. All very true but we need ourselves too. What good are we when we don't give ourselves a moment to do whatever we want?

I'm going to get my New Years Resolution #1 started early: give myself at least one day a month to do whatever I want by myself for 3-4 hours. I work hard so the first person that should reap the benefits of that (after I give my 10% to Jesus of course) is me.

I have to find a place that does it all though...I can't spend my time traveling from place to place hehe.

Happy Monday!

Mommy Struggles

This has been sitting in my draft folder for a while so I figured I'd finally let it out.

I have a confession to make: sometimes people without children really grind my gears (aka get on my last nerve) with their little judgemental selve's. Now let me first say I have quite a few friends that don't have children and we get along great. They come over to my house instead of asking me out so my son can run around in his own element while we chat and have some wine. They don't get upset when I need to step away to give him a bath and put him down for bed. They engage him when he comes running towards them with all of his babbling glory. They even don't mind if I have to bring my son along for whatever we are doing or get upset when I can't make something that may not be kid-friendly. They even try to convince me to have a girls night out every now and then but when I say not right now; they back off.

I'm not talking about them.

I am talking about acquaintances and other random people I encounter while I am out and about.

I am talking about observations I have made of people being down right rude to parents in stores and other places with their side-eyes and comments.

Now I have a been a judgemental person without children before so I get it. But if you have a problem with something, it is NOT your place to say something to a parent ESPECIALLY while their kid is having a melt down in Target because their mom isn't letting them have the gigantic bag of M&M's or because they have to part ways with the toy mommy or daddy let them hold that allowed them to get through the majority of the shopping trip unscathed.

You'd be surprised why kids through fits--waffles instead of pancakes, wanting a the toy their brother or sister has (even if they have to exact same one), not being able to stand in shopping cart in the store while it is moving, wanting to play games on your phone while you are trying to read your shopping list, or my personal favorite taking off in a full sprint when you put them down for one second to grab something, etc, etc, etc.

Bottom line: Know when to keep your mouth shut. You don't know our story so cut us some slack *fights the air*. My grandmother used to tell me people don't like you when you talk too much...I really believe this. You don't have to say everything that comes to your head and if you must, phone or text a friend.

The next time you see a parent struggling to get their groceries out of the cart because their child is throwing a tantrum, offer to help them. You'd be surprised how good that will make you feel.

Anywho, below are two fun posts about the same subject. If you go to the full articles and skim the comments, you'll see some of the egregiousness that comes out of peoples mouths just in case you think I am making this stuff up.

Do something nice for a parent today (a hug, compliment, whatever).

Is there a parent appreciation day before Mother's and Father's day??? I need to research that.

Enjoy!

Day 166: To all my friends without children.

by Jason Good

I know our friendship has changed since I had a family. I never answer the phone; I don’t return texts as quickly; I almost never “hang out” anymore. That’s because my priorities have changed. I would have warned you, but I didn’t know it was going to be so severe. I still love you as much as I always did, but between my job/art and kids, I’m fucking tired at night. I still want to see you, but can you please just come to my place? I know it’s far, but I needed a house and yard or I was gonna lose my mind. It will be hard to have a conversation because my kids will be angry that I’m not giving then all my attention. I wish I could just tell them to be quiet and go play, but that’s not really how it works.
It’s true, I hang out a lot more now with families who have kids the same age as mine. That’s because when the kids are playing, the adults have a little time to talk. If there are no other kids around, I’m responsible for all the entertainment, and it’s exhausting. Also, people with kids understand that I’ll have to leave in the middle of their sentence to get a juice box. They understand because they just did the same thing to me 5 minutes ago. It’s not because I like them more than I like you, it’s because they understand the situation, and it makes everything easy. I need things to be easy a lot these days, especially when it comes to “entertaining.”

I know you want us to just get a babysitter and drive out to your place and drink wine until 3am. I want to do that too, but I can’t. Not for a few more years. My kids are too young and they still wake up at night for various reasons, and I want to be there when that happens as much as possible. So for now, you kind of have to come to my house. Understand that when you do, most of what we do will be about the kids and not about us. I’ll have to put the hotdogs on the grill before the steaks because if I don’t, someone will freak out and throw themselves on the ground. You’ll also probably have to spend some time by yourself while I take one of my kids inside to talk to them or read them a book or put on a TV show. To me, it’s all worth it for that 15 to 20 minutes I get to spend with you totally uninterrupted...

Read the full article here.

If You Don’t Have Children, You Don’t Get An Opinion On Parenting Issues
By dadcamp

...My thesis is that it’s all well and good to stand on the sidelines and tell people how their kids “should” be raised, but until you’ve actually sat down and had a fight over what color mittens, socks, or underwear will be worn in what order, you are hereby asked to keep it to yourself.

I added it up yesterday. I spend about 5 hours a day with my kids. That’s an hour or so in the morning, and 4 after school. Of those 5 hours, maybe 45 minutes of it is “fun”. You know, laughing, playing, giggling – he lighthearted, non-stressful stuff we love about our kids. The other 4 hours are spent breaking up fights, cleaning up messes, negotiating meals, bathing, cooking, helping them get dressed, etc. The “work” part of parenting is, by far, the greatest weight in the equation.

To say the work outweighs the reward is wrong, in the end it is worth it. But the thing that people without children don’t understand is that it is work. Every single day it is work. It is a struggle to lead these little minions through the day. It is stressful. So, on occasion, we take shortcuts. We just do. It keeps us sane.

I just don’t think you can appreciate that “work” part of parenting, and how much effort/stress/emotion it takes until you live it.

Read the full article here.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Well maybe wine is better. No definitely laughter and wine are the best the best medicine. So pour yourself a glass of wine and have a laugh on me courtesy of Tamera Mowry's blog a few weeks ago.

Giggle-Worthy: 10 Silly Baby Memes

Aug 27, 2013By Tamera Mowry

Hey guys!

The other day, I saw a funny baby meme and shared it on my Instagram:

Yep…sounds about right.  Lol! I got so many comments from people saying they loved the pic, so I wanted to share a couple more hilarious baby memes I founde.  Even if you’re not a mommy, these memes will make you chuckle…

 The scheming baby:

 

 

 

The baby who's finally met his nemesis:

 

 

 

The baby who can't deny the facts of life:

 

 

 

The baby who thinks you're the funniest person in the world:

 

 

 

The baby who just got a wake up call:

 

The baby who keeps getting in the same argument with his girlfriend:

 

 

 

The baby who's been saving up for this gift:

 

 

 

The baby who's had one bottle too many:

 

 

 

The baby who's happy with the way things are, thankyouverymuch:

 

And of course, I couldn’t write this post without including the king of funny faces himself…Aden!   

 

Is it just me...

...or are mosquitos on steroids this summer?  I was outside today and have at least five more bites in the most random places. If they sucked fat y'all...you wouldn't be able to tell me nothing.

Today was so beautiful out. I can't believe summer is winding down. Do any moms out there find that kids are much more agreeable on the weekend? I mean if I could get a little of this joy after being at work all day I'd be in business. I am soaking it in today and hopefully tomorrow too.

Grandma finally got him to actually hit the ball with the bat.

Little gymsters

Gold medals in our future?

Ahh to be a kid again. 

These clowns after playing in the kiddie pool.
I think this is one of those good embarrassing pics for later on hehe.

Get Pregnant Again, Please

If I had a dollar for every time someone said this or some variation of it to me, I'd be rich. Sometimes when people ask me, I am like I would love to--in the back of my mind. But most of the time I feel like this:

Did I mention that twins run in my family? If I would have had twins the first time around I would have been thrilled--that was actually my secret hope. But getting twins after my first child--no thanks. I also had such a great experience with having a healthy pregnancy, delivery, and postpartum. I can't guarantee that will happen again so why chance it?

On a more serious note, I actually have really thought long and hard about this decision. So many people have asked me why would I do that to my child--no one seems to care about what that child would do to my body and life but I digress--so I did a little research of my own to see if only children were in fact the selfish, lonely kids that everyone proclaims them to be.

What I found from observing the only children that I know is that they are all just as normal and kind as people who have multiple siblings. I only have one only child friend that proclaims that she is selfish but she is really fine. I even met a mom who has a daughter the same age as my son who was an only child and she said she loved it and didn't plan on having any other children herself.

After reading a bunch of articles, I found that having only one child has become more common. The reality is children are expensive. Do you know how much daycare is??? Kids and student loans don't mix--and not just for me. Also, most stereotypes about only child have also been proven false. I also read that only children have closer relationships and talk more with their parents (who else are they going to talk to at home??). However, what stood out to me the most was that parents that have more than one child and tend to focus on the child "that needs the most help" and that can make the other child(ren) feel alienated and cause resentment among siblings even when they have the best intentions. I know this to be true for me personally being a middle child (go ahead and google all the issues we have lol).

Truth be told I can count on one hand how many people in my family have successfully raised multiple children from start to finish (if you count me and my cousins it would be more but I am talking historically--we are a new breed). From start to finish I mean birth to college (or job/trade/career) without extended stays at grandma's, foster care, and/or being put out prior to eighteen. I don't doubt that me and my husband could handle another child but why try to be a trailblazer?  Adding one healthy, happy, contributing member to society will be enough of a job well done for me. Quality over quantity all day over in the Dixon household.

In fact, I am content with one baby. Babysitters are easier to come by with one child. I don't have to worry about dividing myself any further (christian, wife, mom, and working woman are enough divisions of me already). My husband and I can easily swap responsibilities so neither of us is too overwhelmed...babies are a lot of work. Don't let anyone tell you other wise. They are super cute but they will run you wild.

I mean take right now for instance. I'm on summer vacation, the hubbs is at work, baby is a daycare so I have some me time--always nice and needed. My to-do list is a mile long BUT I can get things done (or not done...hehe) at my own pace.

I am not knocking anyone that has multiple children. In fact, more power to them because honey they are doing it (and I have several people that I know that are doing it well). But I don't think that will be my journey.

So sorry, my mother in-laws quest for 12 grandchildren will not be fulfilled by me (she has three children and her and her husband did an awesome job). I do wish I would have done a few more things like taken more pictures while I was pregnant so I could have documented that time a little better but at the time I felt fat and frumpy lol...that's a whole different blog post right there. All my pregnant friends are doing such cute things now--where was Pinterest when I was pregnant? But while I would do a few things differently, there is nothing like having your first child. I couldn't imagine being pregnant and having a child to care for. I mean I slept so much lol. So while there are things I would do differently, I wouldn't change that experience for the world.

In the mean time I will celebrate the births of my friends children and enjoy being in the mommy club with other great moms--we all rock no matter how many children we have.

The moral of this story is don't let anyone make you feel like you have to do anything in any given time frame. Do whatever the heck you want, whenever you want to. Trust me know one who was all for me having my son came by to change diapers or to help with my son (although I did have some great friends bring me dinner...really helpful for any family that has just had a baby no matter what number baby they are on).

Now tell everyone to stay out of my uterus!

PS
www.onlychild.com is a great resource for parents with one child. It has tons of information of navigating the waters of raising a well-rounded one child and overcoming the stigma attached to only children.

Be warned-I write this post with an open mind and heart. So if I change my mind later don't judge me :).