Friday, July 19, 2013
Get Pregnant Again, Please
If I had a dollar for every time someone said this or some variation of it to me, I'd be rich. Sometimes when people ask me, I am like I would love to--in the back of my mind. But most of the time I feel like this:
Did I mention that twins run in my family? If I would have had twins the first time around I would have been thrilled--that was actually my secret hope. But getting twins after my first child--no thanks. I also had such a great experience with having a healthy pregnancy, delivery, and postpartum. I can't guarantee that will happen again so why chance it?
On a more serious note, I actually have really thought long and hard about this decision. So many people have asked me why would I do that to my child--no one seems to care about what that child would do to my body and life but I digress--so I did a little research of my own to see if only children were in fact the selfish, lonely kids that everyone proclaims them to be.
What I found from observing the only children that I know is that they are all just as normal and kind as people who have multiple siblings. I only have one only child friend that proclaims that she is selfish but she is really fine. I even met a mom who has a daughter the same age as my son who was an only child and she said she loved it and didn't plan on having any other children herself.
After reading a bunch of articles, I found that having only one child has become more common. The reality is children are expensive. Do you know how much daycare is??? Kids and student loans don't mix--and not just for me. Also, most stereotypes about only child have also been proven false. I also read that only children have closer relationships and talk more with their parents (who else are they going to talk to at home??). However, what stood out to me the most was that parents that have more than one child and tend to focus on the child "that needs the most help" and that can make the other child(ren) feel alienated and cause resentment among siblings even when they have the best intentions. I know this to be true for me personally being a middle child (go ahead and google all the issues we have lol).
Truth be told I can count on one hand how many people in my family have successfully raised multiple children from start to finish (if you count me and my cousins it would be more but I am talking historically--we are a new breed). From start to finish I mean birth to college (or job/trade/career) without extended stays at grandma's, foster care, and/or being put out prior to eighteen. I don't doubt that me and my husband could handle another child but why try to be a trailblazer? Adding one healthy, happy, contributing member to society will be enough of a job well done for me. Quality over quantity all day over in the Dixon household.
In fact, I am content with one baby. Babysitters are easier to come by with one child. I don't have to worry about dividing myself any further (christian, wife, mom, and working woman are enough divisions of me already). My husband and I can easily swap responsibilities so neither of us is too overwhelmed...babies are a lot of work. Don't let anyone tell you other wise. They are super cute but they will run you wild.
I mean take right now for instance. I'm on summer vacation, the hubbs is at work, baby is a daycare so I have some me time--always nice and needed. My to-do list is a mile long BUT I can get things done (or not done...hehe) at my own pace.
I am not knocking anyone that has multiple children. In fact, more power to them because honey they are doing it (and I have several people that I know that are doing it well). But I don't think that will be my journey.
So sorry, my mother in-laws quest for 12 grandchildren will not be fulfilled by me (she has three children and her and her husband did an awesome job). I do wish I would have done a few more things like taken more pictures while I was pregnant so I could have documented that time a little better but at the time I felt fat and frumpy lol...that's a whole different blog post right there. All my pregnant friends are doing such cute things now--where was Pinterest when I was pregnant? But while I would do a few things differently, there is nothing like having your first child. I couldn't imagine being pregnant and having a child to care for. I mean I slept so much lol. So while there are things I would do differently, I wouldn't change that experience for the world.
In the mean time I will celebrate the births of my friends children and enjoy being in the mommy club with other great moms--we all rock no matter how many children we have.
The moral of this story is don't let anyone make you feel like you have to do anything in any given time frame. Do whatever the heck you want, whenever you want to. Trust me know one who was all for me having my son came by to change diapers or to help with my son (although I did have some great friends bring me dinner...really helpful for any family that has just had a baby no matter what number baby they are on).
Now tell everyone to stay out of my uterus!
www.onlychild.com is a great resource for parents with one child. It has tons of information of navigating the waters of raising a well-rounded one child and overcoming the stigma attached to only children.
Be warned-I write this post with an open mind and heart. So if I change my mind later don't judge me :).