Imperfectly Perfect

So y'all know I love Beyonce. This album really has me going through so many different emotions and thoughts. I would hardly call myself a feminist but I often love the messages she often sends to women. She often talks about the struggles she's had in her documentaries and the clip below really spoke to me. I share her sentiments about always having worked so hard that I have missed so many opportunities to truly enjoy life.

It all started when I was a child with my grandfather always pushing me to do better and be the best at literally everything academically. I had to be a lawyer or doctor. In fact, he was so serious about this that I didn't even realize there were other career options for a very long time. Shoot---I didn't even know that there were grades lower than a B. While I do think that pushing kids to do their best is important, I think we should be careful that we don't push too much. I can rarely remember fun childhood activities because I was always studying, competing, or working. Again, I think that we need to instill work ethic in our children but there has to be a mix and you shouldn't be burned out by 19.

In the video, Part 2. Imperfection when Beyonce says that she looks at all her trophies and just wants to blow that shit up--that is me. I look at all my straight A report cards and medals for whatever and at times I wish I could burn it up too. I wish I had more time to just be a kid and really enjoy just having conversations with my grandfather. He had so much wisdom and I wish I could of got more of it from just having time to talk. I am grateful for the drive he instilled in me but I couldn't tell you things like his favorite foods or movies even if I tried. I feel like I have always been working on something or striving for something but I am grateful that these season is passing and I am able to take in moments with my son and husband and really enjoy them. I want to be good at what I do but, accolades won't matter at the end of the day.

If it wasn't for Howard University, I would probably be in some one's corporate office going crazy. I remember so many late nights prepping for mock trial team competitions (that I loved) and realizing that if I was really defending someone in a real life or death situation, I couldn't handle it.  I was stressed working with fake cases and trying too maintain straight A's. It wasn't until I was a college junior/senior that I realize that life goes on if you miss a class or don't get an A. And now, I realize that people often change their careers two or even three times in their lifetime so to think that I have to be one thing forever is ridiculous. As Beyonce mentions in the video, there will be times  when we work extremely hard and give our very best but we will still fall short and fail at times. So why be hard on ourselves? Her song Pretty Hurts speaks to this as well. We always tend to shine the light on whatever is worst in ourselves. Why not highlight something that is going well each day? There will always be something that could be better or something that we could have fixed...ALWAYS.

As a recovering perfectionist, I know I won't change overnight but if we don't stop and smell the roses each day, it will be too late. I don't want to give my son the curse of perfectionism so I need to continue to make baby steps each day. I definitely don't think that I will be a free spirit so to speak but I will stop to smell the roses each day. I will continue to strive grow and have joy but in ways that are healthy. I am not in competition with anyone.

I am not perfect and that is okay.