Monday, August 19, 2013

Hold Each Other Up

I'm sure we have all experienced being torn down by another woman, especially a black woman (I would also venture to say that this is true for any woman of color in general here). Sheryl Sandberg talked about this Lean In. Last week I read a blog by Stacy Australia that almost brought me to tears about black men bringing us down at times too. Her post titled Black Power is for Black Men really got me thinking (check out her post here ).
I must admit that my worst work experiences were when I was supervised by a black woman (in two different locations). Why is that? I for one, hold black woman to a high standard everywhere and in everything we do. That is probably an issue for a lot of us. But isn't it possible to lead without being a jerk--especially to your own people? You can definitely feel it when a woman of color is in charge and is trying to prove herself and feels she has to act a certain way in order to do it. Leadership is tough, especially for woman of color but, we have to find a balance between being ambitious and going to hard at the detriment of others. Pride comes before the fall. So we have to be careful. We have to get to the real root of the issues we are having that cause us to mistreat and undervalue others in the workplace. Often times, it is something we are dealing with on the inside that causes us to lash out at others on the outside. If we are not careful, we may become known for character traits that we would never assign to ourselves. If this is something you need to work on, it is ok. Eat that slice of humble pie and start over.

Additionally, we have to take those coming behind us under our wings. The world is changing. Men have no problem training and mentoring other men. So why can't we? There are so many young women that would benefit from what we have learned along the way. Think of a young woman in your workplace or life right now. Maybe they legitimately never had anyone show them how to prep for an interview, write a proposal, or do cool things in excel. Why not show them? If they work for you, everyone wins right? We all have gifts so when you can, help someone develop theirs. It takes a village for real.

We have to do better my sisters. There are enough people tearing us down and screwing us over for us to have to worry about each other. We must lift each other up-- when we see a sister struggling and when they are doing well. There is no need for jealousy and cattiness, there is room for all of us. There is no need to demean and belittle, there is power of life and death in the tongue. We do not want to be responsible for pushing another sister over the edge.

Here's a poem I found to help lift us up this week.


As. you. are.
Stronger than you know.
More beautiful than you think.
Worthier than you believe.
More loved than you can ever imagine.
Passionate about making a difference.
Fiery when protecting those you love.
Learning. Growing. Not alone.
Warm. Giving. Generous.
Quirky. Sexy. Funny. Smart.
Flawed. Whole. Scared. Brave.
And so, so, so.much.more.
Be Strong. Be Confident. Be You.
 ~ Copyright: Tia Sparkles Singh, 2011
Your Life YOUR Way
Be lifted and lift someone up this week.


  1. I just posted a very moving comment but it did not saved under my wordpress account. I'm going to try my best to sum it up and save it via my blogger account.

    This was a beautiful article. Many of my jobs, I struggled with AA supervisors. The closer we are in age the worse the interaction. I think we do need to lift each other up as AA women. I try my best to encourage others. But it works both ways, people have to be receptive of what you're saying as well. In the AA community we have some of the craziest mentalities. We always think someone is "hating" or trying to trick you. Sad. I have a much younger cousin, I've been trying to guide but she has the "I know everything, you can't tell me anything" mentality. People like that you can't help you can only pray for.

    Thanks for giving me a shout out. I'm going to continue doing what I can in helping others. Sometimes people don't realize how a small compliment can make someone's day. Thanks again.

    1. Aww man...I hate when that happens. I forgot about the age piece. That is an issue too. It does work both ways so I understand that challenge. It's hard to "kill em with kindness" when people are being ridiculous. Younger women are tough cookies too. My own younger sister barely listens to me too. We'll find a happy medium one day. We all need each other.