Tuesday, July 2, 2013

The Struggle is Real

I am super excited for my mom and nephew to be visiting with us at the end of the month for almost two months. As their visit approaches, it has caused me to reflect on a few things about my relationship with my mother.

For starters, I love my mama, flaws and all. There have been many times though when I look at the relationships of some of my friends and their mothers or woman in my church and their daughters and I wish we had more. For most of my mom's adult life, she has struggled with drug addiction. This meant that I didn't have the most conventional up bringing but I was very blessed that my mom was sober for almost ten years of my life and was able to be fully present for some of the most important moments of my teenage and young adult life.

When she relapsed after such a long time, at first I was livid. What in the world was she thinking? Why would she want to throw it all away? I had always struggled with the idea of how does one reconcile having a Howard University educated daughter with a budding career while being on drugs. There is so much to be apart of and so many great things on the horizon. How could anyone not want to be a part of that? To be honest, most of the time it is embarrassing. I used to feel guilty living the life that I have knowing that my mother was somewhere doing drugs.

She had been clean for so long that when I asked one of my dear friends to pray for us, she said she didn't even know my mom ever had a drug problem. Are you kidding me?? This is where the embarrassment creeps in. My mom is never ashamed of her addiction though. When she was sober, she never shied away from telling her story to help others (she still does that now in the midst of her struggle).

In the book One Minute with God for Women, by Hope Lyda it says "are you nurturing your pain more than your hope?"


Let that sink in.

My mother's addiction is definitely a pain. "Are you nurturing your pain more than your hope?" Lord Jesus I hear you (I say this often...or some other variation of it when I hear or read something that really makes me think.) Over the years I have been able to move past the things that I longed for with my mother that I never got and I forgave her for things her addiction caused her to do that hurt me. Today, even though it is still hard I times, I revel in the fact that I have a mother when so many don't and I genuinely appreciate and love everything she brings to the table. She is one of the most loving and caring people I know. I will not nurture the pain. I mean hello when I was born I was the most spoiled babies on the block. I was cloth diapered (WHAT?!? as a working mom now who has time for that?? no thanks) and had the best of everything. She helped me pick out my wedding dress and was really the life of the party during my wedding season. She cooked for me virtually everyday when I was pregnant with my son and gave me a home pedicure when my feet were swollen...I mean if that isn't love I don't know what is. I've come to the conclusion that we all struggle with something so I am not going to pass judgement on my mom because her struggle is drugs and it still persists at various times. Hell if I could say no to a few more desserts I wouldn't be obese (I know I know I don't look obese but that is what the numbers say my friends) so I know the struggle is real. There are so many woman who yearn to have the experiences that I have had with my mother; how dare I now be grateful.


Now that I really think about it, I am beyond blessed to have the mama that I have. She freakin' rocks and can't nobody tell me any different. Would you believe that people have actually tried to though?The bible says "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" (John 8:7). While I will continue to pray for her healing, I love her and am eternally grateful for her.

So here is my challenge to you from again from the book One Minute with God for Women, by Hope Lyda: "Practice the art of satisfaction. Start building your daily life by embracing it, seeing the good in and celebrating each gift of goodness that comes your way."

Overall, I am beyond satisfied. In fact, I'm going to go call my mom now and let her know that she is loved. I am ready to celebrate her and my son's birthdays in August, have her help me decorate my house, and have a blast with the boys (who I have aptly named ebony and ivory...hehe).


  1. Bravo! Bravo! What a post. Thank you for sharing - just realized I was holding my breath the entire time I was reading it. Thank you, Barb. This was incredible - now please start writing your book.

  2. Thanks Shelby! I am going to write a book...consider this the extended preview :).